Kevin9679
Senior Member
Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 175
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Reply with quote | #76 |
Yesterday night, I got a concussion from having my head slammed on the mat. So I have to stop doing anything vigorous for 2 weeks. And at the same time, I lost my watch which I had since I was a high school freshman. Well, with the ability to exert myself, the ability to think really well, and my childhood gone, my ego died a little.
This morning I woke up at the time I was supposed to be in class. I got to the lab, even though the door was locked. I asked the class, "Where's the TA?" I saw a TA, and he said, "You have to go to your professor, and tell him you have to make up a lab because you're an hour and fifteen minutes late." I replied, "Can I just do the lab now?" He gave in. Example of staying grounded to create a reality around you.
At Music Theory class, people were reciting poetry and I wasn't able to get my poem. I had the urge to improvise in front of the class, so I asked the professor if it was alright. I released some tension by stating that this was my first time doing this, and giggling at the first line. But then I just kept going, and it was like staying in the moment to the max. I then opened my eyes and I was surprised that everyone thought it was good. One of my classmates said, "You were really brave! Was this really your first time? That was really brave, volunteering yourself like that."
The improv poem I spoke out was basically what was going on with me right now. I lost my watch, a piece of my childhood, the ability to look at the time by turning my wrist, and the freedom to exert my body. So what happens if I lose absolutely everything? Strip down naked, and start over? Then I would be free.
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Kevin9679
Senior Member
Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 175
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Reply with quote | #77 |
Saturday, I went to stay with my little brother as he took his swimming classes. So there I was, leaning on the window through which people watched their younglings try to swim, and I saw this girl. I knew her from junior high, and I remembered how she and everyone in the school picked on me, and how turned off I was when I met her again before the summer because she was holding a cigarette in her hand. But none of that actually mattered when I looked at her. We locked eyes for what I think was 3 seconds before she excitedly called "Hey, what's up?" And I parrotted her, though not in a very bouncy way. She asked if I swimmed there, and I answered no, but my brother does. She nervously nodded her head and went back inside. She was an instructor I think.
So she went back outside to buy some mango Snapple. She was chatting with the desk guy, when I decided to walk up to her. She gave off a strong energy, and for a second I felt myself putting up airs (like I did back at the workshop, so long ago.) I quickly dropped it, and it was very obvious to me, like putting down a shield to my heart. I stood right in front of her with my legs spread, grounding myself. She nervously said, "Hey," and I said again, "What's up," and she parrotted me, while walking away. I called out, "What college do you go to?" She got a surprised look on her face, and we started chatting. I think I did pretty well in keeping my heart open, because I ended up thinking about her the whole day (even though she's a smoker). And I think she was attracted to me too, which probably took her by surprise coming from that kind that everybody joked was going to shoot up the school (lol)
Yesterday my little brother gave me a birthday card, which really moved me so I gave him a hug and a kiss, and said, "I love you." lol he seemed traumatized by that, because I rarely have my heart that open with him.
Today, I was with my Statics tutor, and while taking a marker from her I held her hand, and she pulled away. After that I felt a very obvious pushing-away energy coming from her, which kind of faded as our session went on. Toward the end of the session, I looked at her and sincerely asked, "Do I make you feel uncomfortable sometimes?" She looked down, and said, "I don't know." I said, "Honestly." She gave a short "yes." I was unfazed because it was something I already knew, so I just said, "You should tell me when I make you umcomfortable."
She actually seemed really turned on by that. I could feel her discomfort, but this time in a good way. It was a warm energy, even though I could almost feel her shaking. So that's good.
So opening my heart is doing pretty good so far.
Oh yeah. There was this guy at the computer lab today. Rudest Chinese man I have ever encountered. He was trying to push me out of his space, so I said, "How 'bout excuse me?" He looked away and said, "I don't understand." So he went and got some paper and wanted to put it into the tray at the printer. I didn't move my leg, so literally he started slamming the tray on my leg, so the whole printer moved. I was very angry, and was about to throw him on the ground. "How 'bout excuse me?!" I waited for him to make a move so I would floor him. He just theatrically slammed the pile of papers on the printer and walked away.
And another guy came to the printer, and as I left I told him, "You might want to put that pile of papers there in the tray."
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Kevin9679
Senior Member
Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 175
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Reply with quote | #78 |
I don't know why, my energy was off the entire day today. At one point I kept telling myself to keep my heart open and stay in my body. But for some reason I felt like I was at the epitome of staying in my head. It was terrible.
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Kevin9679
Senior Member
Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 175
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Reply with quote | #79 |
Two days ago, I was at the Civil Engineering lounge, and this girl who was really good at physics decided to be a bitch and not help me with my homework and hog the computer that could actually print so she could play her newgrounds game.
So she was Asian and had always held back her energy from me. So my friend was saying, "You're such a... such a..." And I said, "Bitch?" Afterward I did a little apoligizing and said, "I mean it in the sincerest of ways."
So when it was time for me to leave, I said, "Thanks for helping me on the first problem." She didn't answer me. My friend said, "Did you hear what Kevin said?" She said, "Yes." So I spoke my mind and said something like, "God, you're a bitch." She laughed and said, "I'm taking it out on people, cuz I'm pissed." So I bid my adieu with, "Hope you're less bitchy next time." It wasn't a joke, but as I left she laughed and said, "That's funny."
And the day afterward, I noticed that her attitude toward me is different.
And this has been what I've been trying to do. Call people out on their bullshit without being defensive or being needy.
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Kevin9679
Senior Member
Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 175
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Reply with quote | #80 |
Holy crap! This was a crazy morning. I was supposed to meet up with my friend at 8:15 at the Grand Avenue station. Got there at 8:34 (thought I was 4 minutes late), and couldn't see anyone. I did not write down my friend's cell # even though she gave it to me, so I went around everywhere looking for internet access.
That was a nice staying-grounded exercise, btw.
Anyway, so after a while I went back home, opened my email, found her number and called her. She was pissed. She said, "You made US late! We were late because we waited for YOU." I told her the truth, and I said from the bottom of my heart that I was really sorry. Then she hung up.
There was so much that could be learned
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Kevin9679
Senior Member
Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 175
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Reply with quote | #81 |
Well this isn't anything spectacular so I don't want to start a new thread just for this.
So we were at the Construction Management competition, after working on our proposal for 20 hours straight. We were within our school teams.
Someone asked these two Chinese girls, "So how do you consider your relationships? Fun? Cautious?" I laughed, and said, "They don't want to answer, because they're Chinese." One of the girls got pissed, and said, "You're acting like you're not Chinese!" I looked at her and said, "I'm an exception."
So she got coy and said, "So let me ask YOU two questions. One: how many girlfriends have you had, and two, how many girls have you slept with?" I paused for a moment, and she said, "See? You're the same thing!" I looked at her, deep in the eyes, and said, "I've never been in a long term relationship." Then I paused for a few seconds, still holding eye-contact. She tried to ease the tension, and said, "Come on. This isn't an interview." Then I said, "I can do one-night stands, but I don't." The two Chinese girls started giggling, and I just felt like I wanted to throw something else in.
"I've never had a best friend for more than a year." The room fell silent for a few seconds. The girl looked at me with moist eyes, and the other girl seemed affected too. The other girl then said, "Wait... what do you mean by 'best friend?' " I looked at her, probably with tears in my eyes, and said, "Nobody outside my family has ever been close to me for more than a year." Again, silence in the room where there were about 8-10 people. Then the guy who originally started this said, "Yeah, that's the same thing with me." And then tension seemed broken, at least for me.
Another thing I wanted to mention. I had nothing to do with making the powerpoint slides for the presentation, but I orchestrated the entire rehearsal. I set it up so that each member was put on the spot with everyone else watching. And when others presented, I would point out minor things in the way they acted which laid as an obstacle for the message/connection. And when I went up, when my team mates could only give me positive comments, I said bluntly, "So what do I need to improve on?" And it turns out I pause too much between sentences. At the end we gave a spectacular performance, and the judges were thoroughly surprised that we were not construction managers, but were actually the "weak" team of the two teams sent out for Poly's first time participating. One of the judges said, "Next year you guys would definitely SWEEP the competition."
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